THE REPUBLIC OF JACK
by
Jeffrey Kerr
Political Satire / Texas Humor / Texas Fiction
Political Satire / Texas Humor / Texas Fiction
Publisher: Independently published
Date of Publication: April 7, 2020
Date of Publication: April 7, 2020
Number of Pages: 253
Scroll down for the giveaway!
Jack Cowherd will do anything to win the Texas governorship, even flirt with twenty-first-century secessionists in the Texas Patriot Party. Victory is achieved, but only at the cost of Texas being tossed out of the United States. The Republic of Texas lives again! And Jack is president.
Friend and political advisor Tasha Longoria has long warned Jack of the dangers of his demagoguery. Now when he tries to halt the madness, the worst comes to pass: he is impeached, arrested, and charged with treason, the penalty for which is death.
Jack has but one chance to save his beloved Texas, not to mention his life. But success depends upon help from the one person least likely to give it . . . Tasha.
PRAISE for The Republic of Jack:
"Jeff Kerr's Republic of Jack is a ribald, raucous farce of Texas politics that often exposes the self-serving cynicism boiling beneath the surface of public debate."
—Texas political reporter R.G. Ratcliffe
"Jeffrey Kerr's ideal Texas politician—a man truly for these bitter times—bites off more than any enabler could ever chew in this romp of a new novel, The Republic of Jack! It's time for readers to discover this writer's range, intelligence, humor, and, ultimately, compassion. Or maybe you should just go and see his movie or read his catalog of nonfiction titles! In any case, it's Jeff Kerr's time."
—David Marion Wilkinson, author of Not Between Brothers and co-author of One Ranger
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The Republic of Jack
Excerpt from Chapter 15
At that moment, the old guy was preoccupied
with studying the pattern in the carpet at his feet. The combination of dots
and curved lines looked like a dog if you stared long enough, Fred thought, or maybe
a rabbit. He dismissed the notion and raised his head to answer. “He’s probably
busy banging an intern.”
Hopeful, Jack raised an eyebrow. “Have you
heard something? Maybe we could use it.”
“No, they’ve shut that sort of thing down.
Clinton ruined it for everybody.”
Tasha strolled into the room and dropped into
a chair. “Felicia said to tell you that Harris is on the line.”
Jack snatched the phone. “Mr. President, thank
you for taking my call.”
At his desk in the Oval Office, a relaxed
President Harris leaned back in his stuffed chair and said, “Oh, so it’s ‘Mr.
President’ now. I thought I was the ‘jack-booted thug.’”
Jack grimaced. “Mr. President, you know how
things are on the campaign trail. I have always had the greatest respect for
you.”
“What do you want, Jack?”
“Well,
it’s about that presidential order. Does that really count? I didn’t know a
President could do that.”
“Absolutely, it counts. The attorney general
and forty-eight state governors agree with me.”
“Forty-eight?”
“All except Rhode Island. Rhode Island
shouldn’t even be a state. You’ve got counties in Texas bigger than Rhode
Island.”
“Sir, uh, we didn’t secede.”
“I saved you the trouble. You’re welcome.”
“It just seems kind of hasty.”
“No, you've had this coming for years. Anyway,
I can't take it back, we're already making a forty-nine-star flag. That way you
get seven rows with seven stars each. Looks better like that, don't you think?”
“Yes, sir. I mean no, sir. You can’t take our
star off the flag.”
“Can and did, Jack. You Texans are so proud of
that lone star shit, so there you go, now you really are a lone star.”
“Maybe if I flew up there we could discuss
it.”
“No dice, Jack, you'd need a passport. I'm
told that takes about six weeks. Oh, costs a hundred bucks too.”
“You won’t let me come?”
“Gotta protect our borders, Jack. Which you are now outside of. You Texans
understand that.”
“But, sir—”
“Gotta go, Jack, got a country to run. Hey,
let me know if you guys want to send an ambassador. You know, Earl Campbell,
Willie Nelson, somebody like that.”
“Mr. President, can we talk about this? Mr.
President?” Jack slammed down the phone.
“Shit, he hung up on me.”
“That sounded bad,” said Tasha with a sigh.
Jack massaged his temples. “Tasha, what am I
gonna do?”
“Ask Fred. He’s been giving you such good
advice.”
Fred bolted upright. “Hey, I was paid to do a
job. Mission accomplished too, by the way.”
Tasha snorted. “If your mission was to flush
us down the toilet, yeah, you did great.”
Fred grumbled something unintelligible and
returned to his study of the carpet.
“Don’t get your britches in a twist, little
lady.” Charlie Clutterbuck had slipped
into the room. “This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to Texas.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying,” said Fred.
Charlie ignored Fred and marched up to Jack.
“Mr. President, you’ve got a cabinet meeting in half an hour.”
Jack stopped massaging his aching temples and
looked up at Charlie. “What are you talking about? I don’t have a cabinet.”
“A prospective cabinet, then. I took the
liberty of inviting a few of the boys over for a sit-down.”
“No girls?” Tasha asked.
“Figure of speech,” said Charlie.
“Are
there any women?” said Jack.
“Well, no, but Senator Donaldson is an expert
on women’s issues.”
Tasha’s jaw dropped in astonishment. “An
expert on women’s issues? He’s the guy who forced the closure of all the
Planned Parenthood clinics with his anti-abortion bill.”
“See? What did I tell you?”
“I ran
a campaign for him once,” said Fred. “We did have trouble with the vagina
vote.”
Tasha angrily smacked her thigh. “The vagina
vote?”
“Settle down, Wonder Woman,” said Charlie.
“Women do have vaginas.”
“Yeah, it’s better than the ‘C’ word,” said
Fred with a nod.
“Jack!”
Charlie said, “He’s right, little lady, my
ex-wife hated that word.”
Jack clasped his hands together and looked at
Charlie. “Where’s the meeting?”
Charlie smiled smugly at Tasha. “Conference
room at the Capitol.”
Disgusted, Tasha stood and made for the door.
Jack said. “We’ll be there.”
Tasha stopped. “We?”
“Hey,” said Fred. “You wanted a woman there,
didn’t you?”
Jeffrey Kerr is the author of three nonfiction books on Texas history, a historical novel, and, most recently, The Republic of Jack, a satirical novel that imagines Texas as an independent country in the twenty-first century. His history of Austin's founding, Seat of Empire: The Embattled Birth of Austin, Texas, was named one of sixty essential books about Texas by Michael Barnes of the Austin American-Statesman. Kerr also co-wrote and co-produced the documentary film, The Last of the Moonlight Towers, and a feature film, the psychological thriller Writer’s Block. He lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife and two dogs.
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